i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
