I wish I only lived at night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
