so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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