So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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