i don't like sucking hair
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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