I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
