We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
