Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
