i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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