I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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