Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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