he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
