She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
