I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
