finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
