Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
