I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
