And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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