I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we're making bets on your personal life
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
