you traded sex for a burrito?
high people should be assigned attendants
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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