Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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