I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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