Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
