So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize