i don't like sucking hair
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
