pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
