why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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