First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
