i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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