Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
