I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can text with my tongue
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
