I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
