saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
