My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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