i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
