mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
