Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Im part way to drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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