when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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