I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
