no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
