Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
