Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
