Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
