i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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