Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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