where does the pee come out of this thing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
