At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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