You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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