Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
