She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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