That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
