Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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