just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
