at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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