sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
