i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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