I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
