We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The ass gains better be worth it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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