I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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