Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
porn star boner night. come get it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
