Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
