drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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