ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
