if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
