please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
