ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize