i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
