I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
