you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
