Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
