someone owes me an orgasm
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize