I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
