im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
