They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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