I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
