What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
